What makes Courtney Barnett The Greatest Musician in Recent Memory?

Haha you just got click baited by a controversial headline.

Melbourne singer Courtney Barnett’s debut studio album in 2015 was met with universal critical acclaim and saw her emerge as an International modern rock favourite. Her Grammy nomination for Best New Artist is a a testament to her International success and charting four songs in Triple J’s 2015 hottest 100 is quite a feat. All of these achievements are made more impressive by the fact that the album is utterly shit.

I know Courtney is already considered a polarising figure and has copped a lot of criticism in the past. I'm not usually one to give a nipple cripple to a breastfeeding mother but it’s in everyone’s best interests to make sure they’re raw before you stop tweaking.

According to an article by Pitchfork, Barnett is admired for her, “deadpan voice and witty rambling lyrics.” Now I don’t know about you but lifeless, expressionless vocals are not what I look for in music and the vocal ability involved in replicating her voice is slim to none. Any human being without a functioning larynx can reproduce her trite bullshit. Also the exaggerated bogan drawl doesn’t really add much appeal. A singer who can’t sing well is about as useful as a faulty contraceptive, two things her parents have been dealing with for years. (zing).

Now for you poets out there maybe you don’t fancy Courtney for her monotone melody but for her, original approach to lyric writing. It is refreshing when a musician writes something different to some backseat of rover bullshit.

Here’s a few examples of Courtney’s ground breaking lyrical style.

(When singing about a house they’re visiting.)

“It’s got a lovely garden, A garage for two cars to park in Or a lot of room for storage if you’ve only got one”

Personally I want to know more about the garden, This would be a lyric for her to write. “It’s got a lovely garden, With thyme, basil, parsley, various orchids, lettuce and a park bench”

In all seriousness though the popular 7, 8, 14 syllable rhyming pattern, plays with a haiku-like natural flow. (sarcastic) The piece of embittered incoherent bullshit you’re reading right now probably flows better than that lyric.

“The paramedic thinks I’m clever cos I play guitar,I think that she's clever cos she stops people from dying.”

I don’t even think Eminem who rhymes orange with forage, porridge and door hinge could fucking rhyme guitar with dying. In addition to the blatant non-rhyme it is a completely baseless lyric and I don’t think any paramedic that wasn’t subtly dosing themselves with morphine has ever called Courtney clever.

This is another personal favourite of mine as far as stupid lyrics go.

“I take a hit from, An asthma puffer, I do it wrong, I was never good at smoking bongs”

Having said that I guess a lot of musicians can sound silly if you analyse their lyrics out of context. One of my favourite bands bases the rhyming scheme of an entire verse around naming the antagonist Trevor. Although these examples surely nullify any claim Courtney has to “Witty” or clever lyrics.

Stupid rambling lyrics with a tendency not to rhyme, coupled with a monotone deadpan voice isn’t really a combination which leads to great music. She can have points for at least playing her own mediocre guitar riffs.

As somebody with very little discernible talent, I have the utmost respect for those who manage to make it without any ability (Dune Rats). But her popularity is a blight on Australian music and my ears will never forgive whoever gave her recording equipment. In a time where there is so much musical talent going unnoticed, it’s a real shame that radio stations like Triple J who have such a profound influence on popular music feel the need to constantly plug dreadful music like Courtney’s.

If you are reading this and have the opportunity, please serve social justice by burglarizing any recording devices that she has in her possession, for the greater good.