What does calling someone a fake bitch actually mean?

The word fake gets thrown around more than the average girl studying a business degree. So why do we have such an urge to label people as artificial and what does this mean? First of all I believe we need to unveil the fakeness of calling someone fake. This is when calling someone fake is not actually legit. This is by usually labelling someone as fake because they are different to you, to only reground yourself as the authentic hipster individual you are. For example an oiled up man with a singlet on and corny glasses is playing hardcore bangers at this party you're at. When all you want to do is listen to Bob Dylan and contemplate the art that is his lyrics. So you walk up to this brus that’s drinking ciders and assert “You’re a superfluous wanker, that’s drowning in the river that is mainstream society and can’t express individualism because you are being suffocated by the sheep like movements of your peers”. The brus in response; if you’re a guy probably tries to fight you or get a piece of the pie if you’re a girl (come on gender equality, 2017, I want some love too). Nonetheless, you have already lost. And I’ve fallen into this trap many times (fuck everyone that’s not like me). The reality of this though is that it is just one individual comparing his/her subjective interests to another whilst applying an objective maxim that is created by oneself. Claiming that his/her values are more authentic and individual than the other. However, this is not an accurate description of what is at hand. This is as the fact that you’re a hipster, a brus, a wanker, like old school movies, don’t shave your legs, don’t eat meat, don’t suck dick, suck only black dick. Is based on your idiosyncratic values. Not on some universal truth. So don’t call people fake just cause their different that’s making you a narcissistic douchebag and promotes dogmatism.

So, what is a real fake person? (see what I did there). I feel like the quote from ball park music’s song struggle street acutely captures what needs to be said “She’s a bitch she’s passive aggressive”. The first real fake person that will be identified is the passive aggressive. A passive aggressive person is someone that suppresses their emotions of anger only to let them unfold subconsciously or to subtly display hatred to a person or a thing without the persons actual knowledge of their intentions. These people are really good at getting on your nerves. And I think I speak on behalf of the universe in saying grow some balls and deal with your problems maturely. Like seriously what is your deal man? A Hypothetical of this would be if I had sex with my friends girlfriend and in response to this he said he was all cool with it only to not give me a goody bag at his birthday to watch me suffer (this actually happened). This didn’t actually happen but brings us on to our next victim the compulsive liar. The person that talks utter bullshit to seem interesting or grab some attention. If I was to fall into one of these categories this would be me, but I’m actually funny unlike everyone else so it’s okay. Everyone knows one of these compulsive liars, willing to do anything for a little bit of attention. I wonder what drives these people to do this however, is it a sick joke contained inside their own head, or are they a boring piece of cardboard that if they didn’t lie people would pay as much attention to them as they do with the words on them on the side of the street with a dirty, bearded, crack smoking person holding them up for money. Some classic example I’ve heard lately are “My asian exchange student was eating my cat food, thinking it was tuna and I just let him eat it……. I put my logbook in for my P’s test….. I lost my virginity…..I’m actually a really good bloke…….My mum loves me” These are all from the same bloke btw (compulsive wanker).

This brings us onto the last category of a fake person and when it is okay to call them a fake bitch. This is my favourite one as well. This is the guy or girl that pretty much subscribes themselves to some movement or ideology with extrinsic values. Now as considered at the start it is wrong to call people fake for being different but if their motives are extremely non-genuine it can be okay sometimes. This is much like trying to pick a vampire out, or someone that was born without a penis (this would be discussed next time) it is very hard to pick them out but as always there is some vital signs. These include such things as “people that had eating disorders that all the sudden become vegetarian, people that greet you by saying hey I’m fuckface and I studying engineering (cool build me a gun so I can shoot you in the face), I can’t wait to finish my degree I’m going to be so rich, I’m so keen for splendour I love live music, oh yeah who do like that’s going? Hold up I’ll just check the line up…..etc” These are the people that categorise themselves into a role or a status for the illlegit things that follow such as status or money. They are the underlying crux of all fake bitches (by the way when I say bitches I mean guys too, 2017).

The real question now is what do you say when you meet one of these “people”. Well to clarify there is no point trying to perform a fake exorcism on these lost souls as they are so caught up in their inauthentic ways and sucking their own dicks, your opinion means very little to them. So here is what you should say “Fuck you, like seriously fuck you, you fraudulent, pseudo wanker, you are a superfluous waste of space. You’re uninteresting, you have no balls to own up for what you’re actually worth, go and fake your death, you fake fuck and everybody will fake cry”