Shame & a Champagne Shoey

In 2018, Australian F1 driver Daniel Ricciardo placed second in the German Grand Prix. To celebrate, after the race he stood on the podium and drank champagne out of his sweaty shoe. The crowd went wild and media outlets praised him for his, “cheeky Australian antics”. Bob Hawke, one of Australia’s most celebrated Prime Ministers famously held the world record for chugging a yard of ale. By his own admission, this obnoxious feat endeared him to the public and contributed to his political success. Our Rockstar’s jump around

on stage like lunatics and down drinks between belting out tunes. Win, lose or draw, you can guarantee that the footy players we idolise will be nursing a beer (or 10) after the match. And in 1980, ACDC’s Bon Scott choked to death on his own vomit, alone, in the London cold. Australia has an unhealthy obsession with alcohol, from pensioners to high-school kids. In a society where cases of depression, anxiety and suicide are at an all-time high, we need to think about how we drink.

The studies show that alcohol abuse and depression are intertwined, people who suffer from one affliction are at double the risk of developing the other. For me this is a sobering thought (haha), because I do enjoy having a drink. I come from a family of big drinkers, so we always have a fun Christmas. When I was a kid, on Christmas eve, we’d leave out carrots for Rudolph and a Heineken stubby for Santa. I vividly remember laughing at Mum after she attempted a cartwheel after a few chardonnays on Christmas day. Or my then 50-year-old Dad lying in bed all of Boxing Day, before I even knew what a hangover was. I’ve got friendships built on the hazy precipice of our mutual enjoyment of drinking and anti-social behaviour. When I catch up with those friends, we’ll have a drink and chat about when Jimmy put a ping-pong ball in his anus, or some equally brainless tale. Occasionally, after a few drinks I’ll make a proper connection with someone and have a passionate and stimulating conversation. But when I wake up the next morning, dribbling on my bedsheets, none of it mattered. All I can think about is a glass of water and a Panadol. Across the country, people get pissed on Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Easter and more absurdly on ANZAC day and Australia day. Birthdays, christenings, graduation, engagements, weddings, funerals; it doesn’t matter, let’s get drunk. Just make sure you stop at Dan Murphy’s on the way, because otherwise we’ll have to face each other with a sober mind and that just won’t do. And if you don’t join the dim-witted and debauched masses on their quest for a shorter, sadder life, then you’re no fun, you’re a square. So many people in Australia have this booze-centric dynamic in their families and friendship circles. Alcohol is as dangerous as any drug and it is ingrained in how we socialise. We need to find a better balance.

A couple of weeks ago I visited my GP to get a prescription. Before he handed me the script, the doctor confronted me about drinking habits. He informed me that the medical recommendation is that healthy males should have no more than 10 standard drinks per week. “So, how many drinks would you have on an average week?” The doctor asked. After some quick arithmetic, I was embarrassed and avoided the question. There was no way I’d confess to this judgemental GP that I’d drink the weekly recommendation in one night out. The frightening thing is, that doubling or tripling the medical recommendation is normal amongst binge drinkers. This is socially acceptable because of the way alcohol is viewed in Australian culture. If a teenager drinks ten beers and throws up in the toilet, it’s almost a rite of passage. Everyone laughs about it in the morning. Or if a 30-something corporate jock downs 15 schooners and takes his pants off on a Friday afternoon his ‘friends’ say, “oh yeah! Classic Matty that was hilarious.” If it’s alcohol, no one bats an eyelid, it’s all part of the fun. But if you chose to ignore the doctor’s recommended intake of other dangerous drugs your family and friends would be concerned for your health, and rightfully so. You’d never finish work on a Friday arvo and start necking vitamin C’s straight out of the tub. Alcohol is a drug and can cause irreparable damage to our brain, liver, heart, pancreas, kidneys and stomach; not to mention the damage we can do to ourselves while under the influence. Despite the doctor’s orders, we drink alcohol like it’s water. This is a dangerous double-standard that is damaging our health.

Alcohol abuse is killing people and it’s killing our future. How can you reach your potential if you’re struggling in a stupor every week? Our children are suffering too, with more than one third of child abuse cases being alcohol related. But people still ask their children to grab them another beer. Approximately 10 000 people in Australia die every year due to alcohol abuse and 144 000 are hospitalised. When you’re keeled over with liver cirrhosis, spending Saturday night sipping on sangria doesn’t seem so appealing. One third of fatal car crashes in Australia are due to drink-driving. People have to die because some people are too arrogant to simply order a taxi. Drinking is meant to be a social activity, but it’s hurting us and the people we love.

The Australian Government have taken steps towards preventing alcohol abuse, through taxation and the funding education campaigns and medical programs. But it’s up to individuals to puncture the myth that drinking is cool. Because there really is nothing less cool than an out of control lunatic who misses the toilet. So, let’s all crack open an ice-cold bottle of juice and get to know each other for who we really are.